[DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional nor claim to be. My 5 babies were all full-term babies with zero medical issues. Please heed to your healthcare professional’s advice. This is how my husband and I were able to help our babies sleep through the night. It has worked out fantastically and beautifully for our family but it took A LOT of determination, discipline, and dedication. With God’s help, we did it. I am sharing my experience after being asked my numerous parents how I did it. This is how we did it in my household. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I ask please be respectful and polite. What worked perfectly for me, may or may not work perfectly for your family. Thank you!]
I truly believe that the popular belief: “some babies are born good sleepers and other babies are not” is false. Parents play a role in their children’s sleeping pattern and although there is no such thing as a Parent Bible/Guidebook, there are self-help books out there from doctors, pediatricians, childcare professionals, etc. that have some expertise and performed studies to their theories and practices. These books can give us a better understanding of babies and their behavior etc. Just how women attend Lamaze classes to prepare for childbirth, or lactation classes to learn more about breastfeeding, we can learn from educational books, videos, podcasts, on early parenting subjects such as feeding schedules and how our baby can develop a healthy sleeping routine early on. When I was pregnant with my firstborn, a friend suggested the books: On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo, M.A. and Robert Bucknam, M.D. and The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. It was a definite eye opener! In all honesty, nothing can completely prepare you for the reality that strikes the first week of becoming a NEW PARENT. One of the most difficult things is having to wake up every 3 hours to nurse your baby. I had read about it before, but living it was a whole other story.
The first month of motherhood is one of the toughest because most likely, you won’t get a full night’s sleep, especially if you are exclusively breastfeeding. There is no way to prepare for the lack of sleep, so I was determined to have my baby sleep through the night (8 hours by 2 months and 11-12 hours by 3 months), not just for me, but primarily for my baby. Like adults and children, a well-rested baby is happy and alert throughout the day. Having a good night’s sleep is beneficial for the entire family because when your baby sleeps well, they tend to be happier during the day and also, when a baby sleeps through the night, you and your partner get to have a full night’s sleep and are able to spend more quality time as well. By being able to have quality time, my husband and I noticed that having a new baby has not taken a toll on our marriage, on the contrary, it has brought out our strengths as parents because we work as a team to ensure our babies are happy, eating and sleeping at appropriate times, and making sure we are not stressed through dedication and discipline. Becoming a new parent is life-changing but my family has been able to learn and apply certain disciplines that have eased the process of adapting and living with a newborn. Keep in mind, having a consistent daily ROUTINE is KEY! Here are the steps and measures we made with our newborn:
A Newborn Baby & Eating
It’s important to know that newborns must eat at least every 3 hours. At the hospital where I had my first-born, the doctors and nurses knew I wanted to breastfeed, so they would assist in reminding me that it was time to feed the baby every 3 hours and they would take note of the time I breastfed to make sure I was on schedule. Something I learned at the hospital was that newborns love to be warm on mommy’s chest and this is their favorite “bed”, hence they fall asleep quickly and easily on you if you’re breastfeeding within 10 mins. However, in order for them to get a full meal, they should nurse for about 15-20 mins. on each breast even if you feel your milk isn’t coming out. If you are bottle feeding, this could be anywhere between 1.5-3 oz. (please check with your doctor). Here are a few ways to avoid your newborn from falling asleep within the first 10 mins. of feeding:
- Skin to skin. Undress them so that they are only wearing their diaper. You may cover yourselves with a blanket but avoid bundling them up in a swaddle while feeding because they will be more likely to fall asleep.
- Play with their toes. My mom taught me this one! If you are breastfeeding, your newborn’s suction will lessen as they start falling asleep. When you feel this, start playing with his or her toes and slightly tickle the sole. You’ll immediately notice their stronger suction as they wake up.
- Switch breasts. (for breastfeeding moms) It is recommended to feed 15-20 mins on each breast to make sure they are getting adequate milk supply. If you see your baby is falling asleep, switch to the other breast. This will wake them up to latch again on the other side.
- Caress their face and ear. Gently touch their ear to wake them up.
Feeding times
When a newborn is eating and getting full at set times, they will become acquainted with an eating schedule. There are a few feeding techniques such as feeding on demand (whenever the baby is hungry) and clock feeding (set schedule), however, I practice a bit of both especially during the first month. Even if you are breastfeeding, during my newborn’s first week, I sometimes had to give them an extra bottle of formula because they were still hungry and my milk had not kicked in full swing. With my baby boy, I was adamant about not feeding him formula, but he was still hungry after breastfeeding, so I had to feed him formula a few times until my milk came in. (Side note: Breastfeeding moms often have a misconception on formula and bottle feeding. They believe that feeding them formula a few times will decrease milk supply and/or make the baby reject the breast. I gave both of my babies formula a few times during their first week and this did not decrease my milk supply nor did they prefer the bottle). After I left the hospital, I jotted down every time I fed my baby and realized that as days went by, my son would get hungry exactly every 3 hours. During the first 3 weeks, if your baby is sleeping over 3 hours, it’s recommended to wake him or her up to feed. I also learned that if my baby is hungry within an 1 or 2 hours, it’s OK to feed on demand once in awhile, though this barely happened. You should NEVER neglect feeding a hungry newborn.
Sleeping cues
Just like with feeding times, your baby will develop sleeping patterns as well and it will become easier for you to know when it’s time for your baby to sleep. Keep track on your phone or in a notebook of feeding times, wake times, and sleeping times. Below are a few sleeping cues (but not limited to this):
- Slower suction while feeding
- Yawning
- Less focused/engaged
- Calmer
- Rubbing eyes
- Fussy
The 5 S’s (from The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp)
According to Dr. Karp, author of The Happiest Baby on the Block, there are 5 S’s to calming a baby and some also help a baby fall asleep. They have helped me in calming my babies and putting them to sleep as well.
- Swaddle. Swaddling a newborn baby reminds them of their mother’s womb in that they are bundled up. It makes them feel safe. I have swaddled my babies during the first few months.
- Side/Stomach Position. The safest way for a baby to sleep is on his/her back. However, I have placed both of my babies slightly on their side at night and on their stomach during the day while I was awake and able to keep an eye on them at all times. They loved it during their day naps and I never had any issues.
- Shush. Although new parents may believe a newborn needs to sleep in silence, Dr. Karp suggest white noise for newborns because they are familiar with noise from their mother’s womb. Here’s a link to the white fan noise machine I use: white fan noise.
- Swing. This helps calm them down. I rocked my baby boy quite a few times in our rocking chair and in his stroller when we were out in the street. Works like a charm!
- Suck. Sucking helps your newborn calm down to sleep. Whether you use a pacifier or your breast, either helps to calm a newborn.
Develop a bedtime routine
Babies are not born with an innate time-clock. They cannot differentiate night from day, which is where we, as parents, come in to help them sleep longer at night. Some parents don’t like the term “sleep-training” but that is what it is basically – training your baby to know that night time equals sleep time. When our newborn was 3-4 weeks, my husband and I began a bedtime routine that consisted of the same steps every night at the same time. Everyone can make their own routine according to their family’s lifestyle and need, as long as it’s consistent night after night.
- Bath time
- Massage and PJs
- Set the night time mood & feeding time:
- Turn off lights. Babies need to learn to associate light with day and darkness with night. This is not innate, it must be learned.
- Have a nightlight or TV on. I like to have the TV on so that it’s not totally quiet that way my baby gets used to sleeping around slight noise.
- Try not to interact with your baby. Sleep time is not play time. If you talk to your baby, they may think it’s time to play. Sometimes we can’t help it, and that’s OK. You do not have to be extremely strict, just go at your pace and what feels right for you.
- Make sure your baby is full! This is most likely the key for a baby to sleep entirely. A hungry baby WILL wake up every 3 hours. Though during the first month, newborns will wake up every 3 hours, as days go by, they will be able to retain more food. Usually when they are 5 weeks old, they should be able to sleep 5 hours straight, and at 6 weeks, 6 hours, and so forth (according to Dr. Enzo and Dr. Bucknam of Baby Wise). I was able to experience this first-hand with both my baby boy and baby girl! At 8 weeks, they slept 8 hours straight without needing to feed in the middle of the night and at 12 weeks, they slept 12 hours straight without needing to feed in the middle of the night. They both have been healthy from the start and their weight, height, and growth continued to increase beautifully at every doctor’s appointment. (If your baby is losing weight, please check with your pediatrician immediately)
- If you are nursing, nurse for at least 30-40 mins. The ultimate goal for newborns is 15-20 mins. on each breast. As previously mentioned, babies easily get comfortable in their mother’s arms while nursing, hence they may fall asleep quickly. In order to prevent your newborn from falling asleep, gently touch his or her feet until you feel suction again.
- Burp your baby to remove gas. A gassy baby will not be able to sleep in peace.
- Make sure he/she has a clean diaper.
- Put down in crib. They suggest doing this before the baby falls asleep in your arms, however I am guilty of letting my newborns fall asleep sometimes while eating. If this happens once in a while, don’t be too hard on yourself. Again, go at your own pace.
- Baby falls asleep.
When your baby is finally asleep and over a month old, they can learn how to self-soothe (soothe themselves back to sleep). For example, a newborn may make noises while sleeping and as a new mom, our reaction might be to pick up the baby immediately, yet I learned to hold off and look at my baby while they made noise to make sure he was OK and I noticed how he would continue sleeping. I don’t know if they are dreaming, but sometimes they make weird noises with their eyes closed. It’s normal to want to pick them up and think they woke up but I learned to wait a few minutes (while watching them) and he usually went back to sleep. Around 2 months, I remember sometimes my baby would make a crying noise, but again I would hold off, and I noticed how he used his hand to slightly suck and would soothe himself back to sleep without a problem. When a baby learns to self-soothe, it is a huge milestone (at least for me it was) because it meant that if they ever woke up in the middle of the night, they would usually know how to put themselves back to sleep.
Once my babies each turned 3 months old, they were sleeping perfectly through the night with uninterrupted sleep and I was able to move them to their own bedroom (of course with a monitor!).
To all new parents and parents-to-be: Becoming a parent is a life-changing experience and there is no such thing as a perfect parent. It’s OK to feel tired and overwhelmed at times. Prioritize YOURSELF, your newborn, and your spouse (if you’re married). Everything else can wait, like cleaning, laundry, etc. And if loved ones offer to bring you food and help in any way, take it and be appreciative. Don’t be hard on yourself, just do the best you can and all will work out fine. Feel free to write to me and tell me about your experience. I’d love to hear from you!
