Here’s the cold truth people don’t mention: becoming a parent may take a toll on your marriage.  However, it is important to understand that before the kids arrived, it was you and your spouse. A healthy marriage is a happy home and a happy home means happy children.  I am a firm believer that a healthy marriage positively affects our children’s mental wellbeing as well as their self-esteem. Parents are their children’s prime influencers and having a loving, solid marriage is one of the best thing we can do for our kids.

The question is, how do you take care of your marriage when you have a new baby, toddler running around all day, or kids calling out for mom and dad at every moment? Here are a few ways I’ve learned to balance motherhood and marriage:

• Plan an annual romantic weekend getaway (After COVID settles).  

Whether it’s a vacation or a staycation, plan a day or weekend where it’s just you and your love. Thanks to COVID-19, our scheduled “Babymoon” no. 4 was cancelled, however, we managed to getaway for a romantic day to celebrate our 5th year anniversary this past weekend and it was perfect. If you are blessed to live close to your parents or in-laws, or if there are family/friends you trust your kids with, go ahead and do it. I found that many couples feel guilty about taking a trip without the kids, and therefore wind up staying or taking the kids. If you are able to leave your kids with a person of trust for a day or two or three, do it! You will not regret it and your marriage will benefit from it. You will feel like you’re on your honeymoon all over again!

• Text/Call each other throughout the day. 

Although we are both busy, my husband and I still text each other throughout the day to see how our day is going. It reminds me of when we used to date. I love seeing a new text from him throughout the day, and yes, it still gives me butterflies! Something as small as a text means so much.

• Set bed times for you and your children.

Take advantage of nap-time and bedtime to be together. As much as we enjoy time with our babies, we also take advantage of their bed time to spend time together as husband and wife. But we also go to bed at the same time. No matter how tired we are, we always go to bed at the same time.

My husband and I go to bed at the same time everyday!

• Intimacy.

To be intimate with your spouse is not just about having sexual relations, but having that time of togetherness and affection where both can come together and be open with one another. We should be an open book with our spouse and hide nothing. That is why this time of intimacy is important.

• Physical Intimacy.

Being physically intimate is vital for both men and women in a marriage. Furthermore, while being parents of little ones, it requires spontaneity and creativity within the daily routine. It shouldn’t be something we neglect nor put in the back burner. On the contrary, it is one of the priorities to keep the romance alive and something both husband and wife look forward to with joy. Granted, kids can take away our energy sometimes, so it’s important to find time when you both are physically and mentally able to be together.

• Put your phone down. (including laptop, electronics, etc.)

Nowadays, it is so easy to get distracted with technology. However, it is important to give your spouse your undivided attention. If you cannot resist the urge to check your phone, then put it on silent or simply turn it off after certain hours and truly be 100% present when your spouse is around.

• Daily quality time.

Whether it’s the morning cup of joe or spending moments alone just the two before the kids wake up, seek to have moments of quality time with your spouse on a daily basis.

• Always use words of love.

Verbally say, “I love you!” There is no such thing as saying it too much. These 3 words reaffirm your feelings for one another day after day. Express kind words of admiration. If he looks great in his work attire, tell him he looks handsome. If he did a great job doing a house chore, tell him. If he works hard to provide for the family, tell him how much you appreciate him. Words are so powerful and when we express words of love to our spouse, they strengthen our marriage.

• Communicate your feelings with respect.

Express your feelings with respect. Avoid speak when you are angry.  When we are angry we can utter words that hurt our spouse and this leads to regret. Most of the time, arguments could easily be avoided if we effectively communicate without offending the other. My husband does not raise his voice at me, even when he’s angry. On the contrary, because I come from a huge family, in order to get our point across, we used to yell. In the beginning, I found myself raising my voice at him during a disagreement. He then looked at me and told me, “I don’t raise my voice at you so why are you doing it to me?” I realized I was wrong and apologized.

• Be the first to apologize.

If you offend each other, ask for forgiveness. Be quick to forgive words said in petty arguments. The sooner you forgive, the sooner you’ll make up! 😉

• Focus on pleasing each other.

My husband loves when I make his cup of coffee in the morning and pack his breakfast before he leaves the house. It means the world to him when I kiss him goodbye at the door every morning before he leaves to work. I also try to make him feel special when he comes home from work by welcoming him at the door with lots of hugs and kisses from the kids and me. Another way I seek to please him is by serving him whenever he’s hungry, etc. His love language is obviously Acts of Services (and Quality Time). Ask yourself, what pleases my spouse? What kind gestures can I demonstrate to express love and make him feel special? Whatever it may be, do it! This will make his day!

• Lift each other up in prayer.

Last but definitely not least, prayer is top priority in our marriage. I lift up my husband in prayer. Depending on how he is feeling and doing, I pray accordingly. We’ve seen God work in our marriage and how He continues to bless us year after year because we’ve learned to place Him as the foundation of our marriage. Truth be told, without prayer, we don’t know where we would stand.

Everything mentioned above does not cost a dime! (Beside the romantic getaway). They are all tiny things we can implement in our marriage and everyday lives that will produce a huge positive impact and results. Be determined to build a strong marriage worthy of your children’s admiration. Let’s beat the 50 percent divorce rate in America!